She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
is wine microwaveable?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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