Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
