im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
