Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This baby is an asshole
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
