I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
