Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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