those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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