I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
