I wanna passion pit in your ass
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
