I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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