I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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