Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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