guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
