you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
YAS. BRING CRAB.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize