I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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