so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
