That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Moan for me like Helen Keller
the day after is always just damage control
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
