If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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