what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
