i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
