wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I look better un-naked...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
