A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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