Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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