Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need a beard to bite.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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