Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
