please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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