Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize