Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
