Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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