Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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