kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
