how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we're making bets on your personal life
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
