I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
