We need to rekindle our bromance
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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