I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
