I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
