My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
