So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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