Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize