I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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