She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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