i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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