She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
