Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
