I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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