WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
