I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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