it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize