Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
