Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
