what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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