Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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