he puts the penis in happiness.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
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