my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
