His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
