He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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