Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize