He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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