What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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