Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
