Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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