you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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