Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
