I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
