Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
