ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
