I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
