he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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