i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Randomize
