I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
