Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
420 ftw
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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