He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
