toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
