like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
