when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
