went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize