I didn't shave. On purpose
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
