i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
