Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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