My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
