He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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