i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
