I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My hand turned me down
it hurts more in the daytime
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize