Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
