I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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