so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
