I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
