It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you made out with another girl for some wings
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
