Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
