i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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