I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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