R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
