I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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