did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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