is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
