I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize